To say that's it been a while since my last post would be an understatement.
I'm drained.
The last few months of life have been full of lots of stress as The Atom started Kindergarten and we've struggled to figure out the best ways to support him-- intellectually and emotionally. I believe that The Creator doesn't burden you with more than you can handle, and these days I've had to remind myself of my belief fairly often.
The school that we selected is a brand new Wald*rf-inspired public school. There are lots of wonderful things about the school, but the challenges of a new school are not for the faint of hard. Lots of blood, sweat, and tears. We're committed to completing this school year at the school, but are keeping our options open for the year ahead. We have to. For the sake of our son.
Monday marked the first day of a much needed Winter Break. The Atom will be home and out of school for the two weeks.
I've set some simple daily goals for us:
Review all letter sounds
Practice reading and writing numbers 1-40
Continue to support The Atom in his emotional and social development by modeling positive interactions--patience, kindness, problem-solving, and conflict-resolution-- and focusing on the good
Read together with the boys for 20-60 minutes a day, with one selection focusing on religious values
Get outside for an hour or two a day
I also hope to establish a peace corner in our home and begin to incorporate some of the more beneficial aspects of his school routine into our home life. We'll be creating a "peace corner," making sure to say a blessing over our food before eating, and having a closing circle family discussion about the day before going to bed.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Still here. Still struggling.
I just don't know how "mommy bloggers" do it.
I can barely keep up with the daily chores necessary to keep my householdfrom going up in flames running smoothly. How do they find time to write meaningful blog posts, with beautiful pictures...their kids engaged in amazing activities.
Things have been busy in our household. Of course, there is the usual juggling: husband's ever-demanding job and school coursework, the kids' activities, school, and playdates. (Yes, I just wrote "playdates." I don't think that I ever had a playdate growing up. Kids now-a-days!)
What's been really taking up a lot of space in my mind and schedule, however, is the pursuit of agood excellent school for Atom to attend next year.
I've gone to charter school info meetings, orientation meetings, tours, meetings, doctor appoints, conferences, visits, etc.
And at the end of it all, I feel a bit hopeless.
Yes, I have a penchant for dramatic flair, but I am feeling increasingly desperate and sad.
I respect the privacy of my four-year old, so I prefer not to go into all of it here, but there are some concerns about his processing and development of language. This makes the challenge of finding a school that will fit his needs a real challenge.
The ante has been upped, and I am struggling to keep up.
The process of finding a school that is suitable for him has triggered some of my worst fears for him as an African American, black, male child.
I am afraid that he will be labeled.
I am afraid that he will be misunderstood.
I am afraid that his love of learning will be stifled.
I am afraid that his spirit will be crushed.
I am afraid that he will become a problem.
I am tempted to keep him home with me.
To shield him from the mess that is urban public education in this country.
To homeschool him.
I fantasize about days spent at the park, lessons gleamed from getting our hands dirty in yet-to-be-built container garden.
Of science lessons at the beach or lake.
And while that would be great for me, I am not sure if homeschooling is what is best for him. I often find myself in conversations with people who have strong opinions about educational options for children. Some are obviously completely anti public schools. Some are committed to sending their children to public schools no matter what. Some are committed to homeschooling, no matter the sacrifice. Some believe that private schools are the way to go. And some won't send their children to a school that isn't associated with whatever their religious persuasion is.
I am committed to doing what is best for each and every one of my children.
I am committed to following a path that is good for their mind, body, and soul.
I will choose that option, whether it be homeschooling, private school, or public school.
But I am not naive about the state of public education in this nation. Especially for little brown and black children.
G-d help the child who is assigned to a under performing, non-innovative public school. A school full of crowded classrooms, little outdoor space, overworked teachers, no arts, little music, and in the heart of the ghetto. A school that is more of a holding pin than dynamic educational institution.
G-d help the child whose parents cannot afford private school, or who has no hope of getting off of the waiting list of the sought after charter school.
G-d help the child with limited educational options.
There are way too many of those children in my city and in this nation.
My neighborhood school is "good" everyone tells me. The speech-language pathologist. Our neighbor who works at the laundromat. The school does a great job educating Chinese kids. Caucasian kids. Filipino kids.
But not Black kids.
Not kids like mine.
I can barely keep up with the daily chores necessary to keep my household
Things have been busy in our household. Of course, there is the usual juggling: husband's ever-demanding job and school coursework, the kids' activities, school, and playdates. (Yes, I just wrote "playdates." I don't think that I ever had a playdate growing up. Kids now-a-days!)
What's been really taking up a lot of space in my mind and schedule, however, is the pursuit of a
I've gone to charter school info meetings, orientation meetings, tours, meetings, doctor appoints, conferences, visits, etc.
And at the end of it all, I feel a bit hopeless.
Yes, I have a penchant for dramatic flair, but I am feeling increasingly desperate and sad.
I respect the privacy of my four-year old, so I prefer not to go into all of it here, but there are some concerns about his processing and development of language. This makes the challenge of finding a school that will fit his needs a real challenge.
The ante has been upped, and I am struggling to keep up.
The process of finding a school that is suitable for him has triggered some of my worst fears for him as an African American, black, male child.
I am afraid that he will be labeled.
I am afraid that he will be misunderstood.
I am afraid that his love of learning will be stifled.
I am afraid that his spirit will be crushed.
I am afraid that he will become a problem.
I am tempted to keep him home with me.
To shield him from the mess that is urban public education in this country.
To homeschool him.
I fantasize about days spent at the park, lessons gleamed from getting our hands dirty in yet-to-be-built container garden.
Of science lessons at the beach or lake.
And while that would be great for me, I am not sure if homeschooling is what is best for him. I often find myself in conversations with people who have strong opinions about educational options for children. Some are obviously completely anti public schools. Some are committed to sending their children to public schools no matter what. Some are committed to homeschooling, no matter the sacrifice. Some believe that private schools are the way to go. And some won't send their children to a school that isn't associated with whatever their religious persuasion is.
I am committed to doing what is best for each and every one of my children.
I am committed to following a path that is good for their mind, body, and soul.
I will choose that option, whether it be homeschooling, private school, or public school.
But I am not naive about the state of public education in this nation. Especially for little brown and black children.
G-d help the child who is assigned to a under performing, non-innovative public school. A school full of crowded classrooms, little outdoor space, overworked teachers, no arts, little music, and in the heart of the ghetto. A school that is more of a holding pin than dynamic educational institution.
G-d help the child whose parents cannot afford private school, or who has no hope of getting off of the waiting list of the sought after charter school.
G-d help the child with limited educational options.
There are way too many of those children in my city and in this nation.
My neighborhood school is "good" everyone tells me. The speech-language pathologist. Our neighbor who works at the laundromat. The school does a great job educating Chinese kids. Caucasian kids. Filipino kids.
But not Black kids.
Not kids like mine.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
My Educational Philsophy
I've been thinking a lot of my educational philosophy as it relates to my children. As a teacher, I wrote a philosophy, but this is different. This is about my children.
What follows below is more of an thought exercise for me than a well-thought out blog post. But I need to get these thoughts out.
In no particular order:
1. When I look into the future, I want most for my children to be G-d conscious people who want for their fellow human beings what they want for themselves. 'Nuff said.
2. I want my sons to love and respect knowledge. I want them to yearn for information and to never settle with ignorance.
3. I want them to be trilingual at least. I want them to be masters of their native tongue, and to learn Arabic, and at least two other languages.
4. I feel that my role as a parent, as their mother, is to protect their innocent natures and to nourish their minds, bodies, and souls with goodness.
5. I want to create a home environment that is peaceful, loving, prayerful, and humble.
6. I hope to create happy memories that will carry them into adulthood with pride and confidence.
7. I want to teach them to focus on the positive and to always be optimistic.
8. I want to encourage them to "trust in G-d" but to also "tie their camels."
9. I must insure their financial literacy.
10. I want to encourage them to study the world around them.
What follows below is more of an thought exercise for me than a well-thought out blog post. But I need to get these thoughts out.
In no particular order:
1. When I look into the future, I want most for my children to be G-d conscious people who want for their fellow human beings what they want for themselves. 'Nuff said.
2. I want my sons to love and respect knowledge. I want them to yearn for information and to never settle with ignorance.
3. I want them to be trilingual at least. I want them to be masters of their native tongue, and to learn Arabic, and at least two other languages.
4. I feel that my role as a parent, as their mother, is to protect their innocent natures and to nourish their minds, bodies, and souls with goodness.
5. I want to create a home environment that is peaceful, loving, prayerful, and humble.
6. I hope to create happy memories that will carry them into adulthood with pride and confidence.
7. I want to teach them to focus on the positive and to always be optimistic.
8. I want to encourage them to "trust in G-d" but to also "tie their camels."
9. I must insure their financial literacy.
10. I want to encourage them to study the world around them.
Kindergarten Blues (Part I)
It's been quite a while since I have written a meaningful post here on this blog.
The older that I get, the faster time seems to fly by. I've been consumed by the kids, life in general, and a major volunteer project on which I've been working. In the process, I have lost sight of some of my goals, including writing on this blog.
I've been drafting a few posts in my head about my ever evolving educational/parenting philosophy, the long-term educational goals that I have for my children, and general thoughts on the state of education in this country, but I just haven't gotten around to finishing the posts. I've given up on producing perfect posts, so please forgive any and all grammatical errors or logical jumps.
Once the children are up for the day, it sometimes feels like one long race to bedtime. I mean, of course, I enjoy and love them, but boy do they wear me out!
A few months ago, we attended the wedding of a dear friend of mine from college. We left our eldest son with a babysitter, but took the baby with us. One of the workers at the reception asked me what did I find hardest about being a mother. I quickly replied, "the complete lack of personal time." Almost five years of being a mother and I still haven't gotten used to the loss of "me" time.
I didn't set out to write a post about the passing of time or the loss of my personal time, although the topic is related to the angst that I am experiencing right now. I don't think that angst is too strong of a word to describe all the thoughts brewing around in my head.
A little back story: Our eldest son was born "late," or just about a week-and-a-half or so after the Kindergarten entrance cut-off date, meaning he would not be able to start Kindergarten until he would be just about six years old, instead of five years old.
At the time, I had absolutely no idea about human development, child rearing, or anything remotely having to do with young children.
When we moved clear across the country to California, we learned that the cut off date for entrance to California was a full three months later. My baby could go to Kindergarten in 2011!
The more I learned about childhood development, the more I wanted to keep him out of the K-12 school system as long as possible.
I read studies that showed, I read about the academic dumbing up (yes, I wrote up) of Kindergarten programs.
We enrolled him a play-based preschool program, found a great swimming program, and started making plans for the next two years.
And then reality set in. Economic reality that is. We're been surviving on one income since August 2009, but it has been a real sacrifice to do so. It has totally been worth it-- to be able to help care for my mother when she was dying, to stay home with my youngest son during these first years of his life, to be able to take my eldest to the park, or to swim lessons. I don't regret our decision at all, but the reality is that me being a stay-at-home mom without an income is not a feasible long-term plan for our financial goals and necessities. As the economy continues to be weak (okay, debatable, but I think that you get my drift) and the government entity that my husband works for continues to slash its budgets, decision time has arrived for our young family.
Do I continue to be a stay-at-home mother without an income, or do I return to the workforce, putting my young children in the care of others for most of their waking hours?
Our eldest son, ATOM, will be able to attend kindergartennext year this year! We had planned to keep him in preschool another year, but if I need to get a job in the fall, then he'll need to go to school. (His current preschool is only part-time, so we'd have to pay for preschool and a nanny to watch him during the off hours, plus daycare for our younger son. Full-time private preschool is not an option because it would be too expensive.)
The thought of putting him in school this year (August) is driving me crazy. I'm sad, anxious, and scared, all at the same time. I really want him to go to a great school, when he's ready. And I don't think he's ready. He's a great little boy-- bright, inquisitive, loving, and thoughtful, but we think he needs more time before entering the academic rigors of today's kindergarten programs (especially for public programs.) Plus, I really don't want to end the creative, imaginative process of early childhood before this stage of his development naturally evolves into something else. I also want his ethnic and religious identity to be cemented before sending him off away from us for 9 hours a day.*
So, yeah I've got the kindergarten blues. Or, more specifically, the should-I-send-my-African-American-active-"spirited"-strong-willed-would-be-a-"young five"-son-to-school-before-I-think-he's-ready-blues.
To be continued...
*5-6 hours of the school day, plus 3-4 hours of after school time.
The older that I get, the faster time seems to fly by. I've been consumed by the kids, life in general, and a major volunteer project on which I've been working. In the process, I have lost sight of some of my goals, including writing on this blog.
I've been drafting a few posts in my head about my ever evolving educational/parenting philosophy, the long-term educational goals that I have for my children, and general thoughts on the state of education in this country, but I just haven't gotten around to finishing the posts. I've given up on producing perfect posts, so please forgive any and all grammatical errors or logical jumps.
Once the children are up for the day, it sometimes feels like one long race to bedtime. I mean, of course, I enjoy and love them, but boy do they wear me out!
A few months ago, we attended the wedding of a dear friend of mine from college. We left our eldest son with a babysitter, but took the baby with us. One of the workers at the reception asked me what did I find hardest about being a mother. I quickly replied, "the complete lack of personal time." Almost five years of being a mother and I still haven't gotten used to the loss of "me" time.
I didn't set out to write a post about the passing of time or the loss of my personal time, although the topic is related to the angst that I am experiencing right now. I don't think that angst is too strong of a word to describe all the thoughts brewing around in my head.
A little back story: Our eldest son was born "late," or just about a week-and-a-half or so after the Kindergarten entrance cut-off date, meaning he would not be able to start Kindergarten until he would be just about six years old, instead of five years old.
At the time, I had absolutely no idea about human development, child rearing, or anything remotely having to do with young children.
When we moved clear across the country to California, we learned that the cut off date for entrance to California was a full three months later. My baby could go to Kindergarten in 2011!
The more I learned about childhood development, the more I wanted to keep him out of the K-12 school system as long as possible.
I read studies that showed, I read about the academic dumbing up (yes, I wrote up) of Kindergarten programs.
We enrolled him a play-based preschool program, found a great swimming program, and started making plans for the next two years.
And then reality set in. Economic reality that is. We're been surviving on one income since August 2009, but it has been a real sacrifice to do so. It has totally been worth it-- to be able to help care for my mother when she was dying, to stay home with my youngest son during these first years of his life, to be able to take my eldest to the park, or to swim lessons. I don't regret our decision at all, but the reality is that me being a stay-at-home mom without an income is not a feasible long-term plan for our financial goals and necessities. As the economy continues to be weak (okay, debatable, but I think that you get my drift) and the government entity that my husband works for continues to slash its budgets, decision time has arrived for our young family.
Do I continue to be a stay-at-home mother without an income, or do I return to the workforce, putting my young children in the care of others for most of their waking hours?
Our eldest son, ATOM, will be able to attend kindergarten
The thought of putting him in school this year (August) is driving me crazy. I'm sad, anxious, and scared, all at the same time. I really want him to go to a great school, when he's ready. And I don't think he's ready. He's a great little boy-- bright, inquisitive, loving, and thoughtful, but we think he needs more time before entering the academic rigors of today's kindergarten programs (especially for public programs.) Plus, I really don't want to end the creative, imaginative process of early childhood before this stage of his development naturally evolves into something else. I also want his ethnic and religious identity to be cemented before sending him off away from us for 9 hours a day.*
So, yeah I've got the kindergarten blues. Or, more specifically, the should-I-send-my-African-American-active-"spirited"-strong-willed-would-be-a-"young five"-son-to-school-before-I-think-he's-ready-blues.
To be continued...
*5-6 hours of the school day, plus 3-4 hours of after school time.
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